A Friend in need is a Friend indeed.

Dialogue post because this needed to be fleshed out.

Samuel: “So… Today’s about…?” Samuel fidgeted slightly after he asks, not sure if he should have or not

Rémy: "You, of course." he says with a wide smirk. "So, tell me, do you 'ave any dreams?"

Samuel: "...Uh... Dreams?" Sam seemed a little confused b the question. "When y'say dreams...?"

Rémy: "It is up to you, would you prefer to talk about what you see when you sleep or we can talk about life goals."

Samuel: " Ah..." He looks at the floor and thinks about it for a moment, looking very contemplatvie "M'dream used t'be comfotrale and secure in m'job...With... Someone I love...Now... It's to atone" He frowns, letting out a long sigh

Rémy: "Can you not do bozh?" He asks with a raised eyebrow.

Samuel: He shakes his head "I have no right to live happily after what I've done"

Rémy:"Everyone 'as ze right to live 'appily, Samuel. It simply takes time."

Samuel: "No" He shifts the weight in his feet "I destroyed families... For... No ... No reason at all" Another sigh escaped his lips

Rémy: "Zere was a reason Samuel, most of ze families 'ave moved on." He gave the other a concerned look. "Do no' forget zat you lost someone as well."

Samuel: "...A madman didn't take her life...":

Rémy:"You are not a madman, Samuel. You are a man suffering wiz mental illness who was under far too much pressure zan 'e could 'andle. To put it one way."
Samuel: Samuel continues to look at the ground, finding it hard to believe the doctors words

Rémy:"It is true, Samuel. It is an undeniable fact."

Samuel: "Mental illness is being mad...."
Trying to justify his selfloathing

Rémy:"Per'aps. 'owever, being mad is a mental illness zat can be excused for a man who was under extreme pressure and lost per'aps on of ze most important people in 'is life."

Samuel: He looks up at Rémy with sad brown eyes "But how can I becaused for taking a life, I had no right t'take?"

Rémy: "Because you understand zat is was wrong, Samuel" He sighed softly and frowned at the taller man. "A killer would 'ave done such a sing and not regretted at it. What you did was not a choice. It was a mistake. Overtime you will be able to fix and even learn from mistakes. I believe you are capable of zis much."

Samuel: "...Really?"

Rémy: "Of course I do. I 'ave only known you for a day and I can see zat you are a good man."

Samuel: "I've always... Tried to do what's right"

Rémy: "Oui, I can see zat. I sink zat per'aps you would feel better if maybe you started to set some goals for yourself. Doing volunteer work and in general, being kind with people around you can boz make you feel better and reset ze karmic balance as it were."

Samuel: "...Volunteer work? Can it even be done...." Samuel didn't want to say 'from in here' so he left the sentence unfinished

Rémy: "I can easily set sings up for you, I can even come wiz you if you like." He said with a smile.

Samuel: Samuel nodded slightly "I...I'll think about it"

Rémy: He looks up at Samuel and smiles wider. "Good, good. I sink we 'ave done well today."

Samuel: He blinks in confusion "We... Haven't done anything..."

Rémy: "Oh, but we 'ave! Do you feel any better?"

Samuel:"I...Uh..." He shrugs a little, not sure if he feels better. However he does not he doesn't feel as hopeless as before

"See? You do feel better, oui?" He tapped his pen on the clipboard. "Alzough...I feel like zere is somesing we need to discuss. You may no' feel comfortable."

Samuel: "Doctor?" The Australian looked vaguely curious by his words

Rémy: "Your Fazher."

Samuel: "..." Samuel clears his throat and looks out the window

Rémy: "I feel zat 'e is a 'uge factor in all of zis, Samuel."

Samuel: Samuel continued to look out the window, Rémy was right. He wouldn't feel comfortable talking about his father, to be honest he wasn't sure if he ever would be. Once again he started to fidget.

Rémy: Clearing his throat quietly, Rémy kept his eyes on Samuel. "Is zere anysing you can say about 'im? We canno' progress until we deal wiz 'im, Samuel."

Samuel: He gave a long, loud sigh "I know..."

Rémy: Rémy keeps watching for him, waiting for him to expand on that.

Samuel: He fidgets more "He's just... A... Hard man""

Rémy: " 'ard? as in, strict?" he said with a tilt of his head.

Samuel: He frowns more, thinking of how his father was in general "...Strict, personality, ethic...Even his face"

Rémy: "I see. What was 'e like in the weeks leading up to your breakdown?"

Samuel: "...Drunk" He's still frowning however he looks more angry as he speaks

Rémy: "I canno' imagine zat 'elped you state."

Samuel: He shook his head, agreeing that it wasn't even close to helpful

Rémy: "So, 'ow did 'is drinking affect you?"

Samuel: "..." Sam looked up to the ceiling, as if working on remembering something "He'd abuse me, tell me I did this to him...And mum... Try and hit me...Throw things... I ruined everything..."

Rémy: He can't help but widen his eyes a little as Samuel explains. He's almost at a loss for words as he opens his mouth. He manages a soft "Oh, Samuel.." before tightening his expression and making his tone firmer. "You must know zat 'e was wrong, oui?"

Samuel: Gives a bit of a hopeless shrug "At first... But..." After a while it got harder and harder for Samuel to ignore his fathers constant abuse, especially since if came right after the death of his much beloved mother.

Rémy: "Your fahzer 'as set you ridiculous expectations, Samuel. Despite 'is meddling you still managed to grow up to be a fine man. I am sure zat was thanks to your mohzer. You did no' make you mohzer sick, Samuel. You canno' be blamed or blame yourself for 'er deazh."

Samuel: "He had reasons to think otherwise..."

Rémy: "I am curious, by what logic did 'e believe you were responsible?"

Samuel: "...He said I came out wrong"

Rémy: "what did 'e mean by zat?"

Samuel: Samuel gave a slightly uncomfortable look. While he was quite comfortable with his own sexuality. He wasn't sure if it was acceptable to tell this to your mental health professional. At least, tell it to a man who he found interesting, and (if it wasn't for the fact he was a doctor in a sanitorium) would even consider the man attractive. How do you tell someone like that, that his father despised him for being gay.

Rémy: Rémy raised an eyebrow at Samuel's reaction. He couldn't even venture a guess at what Samuel meant at this point, he simply did not know him well enough. Or his Father for that matter. However, he needed to press for an answer, brushing it under the rug would do no good for either of them. "Samuel...?"

Samuel: Turning around and esentually turning his back on the other Sam put his hand on the dresser beside him and rubbed the edge of it, as if trying to clen away a smudge "He was disgusted that his only son was....That way"

Rémy: "Zat way?" His voice quirked softly as he repeated it out loud. Suddenly it clicked in his head. "Oh, you mean 'omosexual?" he asked with a soft smile. "Zere is nossing wrong wiz being "zat way", Samuel. Your Fazher was wrong to make you feel zat way."

Samuel: "I'm... Not ashamed of what I am, I... Well it's hard... When someone important denies an major part of ya....."

Rémy: "Oui. I understand zis. Why do you sink 'e disliked it so strongly?"

Samuel: "I'm the last Roberts... And, he's an old Australian... 'No poofta's out bush' y'see" He sighed again

Rémy: " 'ow did 'e react to your breakdown?"

Samuel: He turned to look at the doctor, his expression thoughtful "Surprised...And.. Anxious.. Maybe?"

Rémy: "Anxious?"

Samuel: "Like he didn't know what to do..."

Rémy: "Did you say anysing to 'im?"

Samuel: He shook his head

Rémy: "Did you do anysing to 'im?"

Samuel: He shook his head again "I was hand cuffed at the time"

Rémy: "What about when you 'ad your breakdown, did you do or say anysing to 'im zen?"

Samuel: "No, he wouldn't have wanted t'know... I just walked past him that morning and drove t'the hospital...."

Rémy: He hummed thoughtfully and tapped his pen on his lip. "What was going through your mind zat morning? Before you left? While you were in ze car?"

Samuel: Samuels demour changed signifcantly as he heard the question. His skin had gone pale and he looked smaller than he was "You let her die... So, I'll let ...you...di....die"

Rémy: "What was it zat made you believe ze 'ospital staff were at fault?"

Samuel: "They let her die"

Rémy: "Was she no' already ill?"

Samuel:"...It was cancer... They said... She was in remission... Then... Shw just got worse"

Rémy: With a small nod he continued "It is true zat it was cruel of zem to give you 'ope. But Cancer is unpredictable at times. 'owever, it is only natural to look for someone to blame when you 'ave suffered such a great loss."

Samuel: Sighs deeply and nods, he sorely wished that he had been more aware of this before. It could have helped him deal with everything better, possibly

Rémy: "It is no' your fault, Samuel. Surely one of ze Doctor's at ze 'ospital would 'ave noticed you were in need of 'elp. Even ze patients family are entitled to psych consults at times."

Samuel: "I...Turned it down" His voice a little sheepish

Rémy: Is trying not to frown at that.
"Ah."

Samuel: "I wasn't thinking at th'time... Dad did too, he wasn't crazy or a whimp, so he didn't need it... "

Rémy: "You aren' crazy or a whimp. It can be rahzer 'ard to admit zat you are in need of 'elp. I would no' wan' to appear vunerable infront of a man like your fahzer."

Samuel: "It's not fun t'be like that around him at all"

Rémy: "I canno' imagine it would. In fact, I might be so bold as to say zat your Fazher more zan 'alf of ze reason you broke down in such a way."

Samuel: "..." While he know's there's truth to Remy's words and as cruel as his father seemed. Sam still loved the man dearly and didn't know if he could blame him for it

Rémy: "I am sure 'e 'as 'is-- err-- good sides, but 'e 'as done some serious damage to you, Samuel."

Samuel: "He lost his love... They grew up together..."

Rémy: "Did 'is abusive nature start prior to your mohzer's illness, or was it simply 'is way of coping?"

Samuel: "He was never that bad, he was just 'a man' ... His way of coping was drinkin'...He just crawled into the bottle and never came out"

Rémy: "Was zere anysing you resorted to so as to cope?"

Samuel: Samuel thought for a long time, then shook his head

Rémy: "Is zere anysing now zat makes you 'appy to sink about?"

Samuel: "Not really... Well... This, kinda"

Rémy: "Zis?" he looks up at Samuel and raises an eyebrow.

Samuel: "T-Talkin' about it... I mean"

Rémy: "Ah." He smiles wider than he probably should have. "I am glad zat it is 'elping zen."

Samuel: nodding slightly, Samuel can't help but feel a little embarassed about saying it. After all, they were just talking. But doing so had made him think about what happened instead of just brooding over what he had done

Rémy: Rising out of his chair, Rémy stood up and walked closer to where Samuel was standing, smiling up at him. "You did very well today, Samuel. I am impressed." he patted him on the arm enthusiatically. "I need to go visit my ohzer patients, but I will look forward to our appointment tomorrow." He said with a nod.

Samuel: "Uh, yes." On reaction, he backed up in order to let the doctor get past, forgetting the dresser was behind him and bumps into it.

Rémy: Can't help but chuckle that as opens the door. "Goodbye, Samuel." Smiles at him once more before walking through it and shutting it behind him.

Samuel: "Bye" He watches him leave, feeling a tad silly

:: Two days after the last session::

Samuel stared at note on his door.

It had stated that Sam was to go to Dr. Artois' office for another session, a session that was not in the limiting atmosphere of his room.

Sam had stared at it long and hard. He had gotten used to hiding in his room when he wasn't being forced into the sunshine room, so the idea of him leaving it was a little unnerving. However that hadn't stopped him from getting dressed and actually brushing his hair this time.

He walked down the corridor to the doctors office, he keeps his eyes on the ground. Feeling like everyone he passed was looking at him and judging him.

One patient had even deliberately avoided him, whether it was because of the patient's own issues or because he knew what Sam had done, he wasn't sure. But it didn't help him feel any less judged.

Upon reaching the door he stood there for a long moment before finally knocking on the door.

"...Uh...Dr. Artois?"

He fidgeted quietly at the door, after a sigh.

Knowing Samuel was the type to hide away in his room for weeks on end, Rémy had been sending interns and nurses to encourage him out of his room at least three times a week. He could not have him distracted when he was in therapy with him, but he could not afford to give him more time during the week. He was a very busy doctor. As if to illustrate this, he placed the final piece of paper work onto his teetering outbox pile as Samuel knocked on the door.

With a huge smile he opened the door and fondly regarded the tall Australian, he was immensely proud of his Samuel having left the room with only the encouragement of a piece of paper. "'Allo Samuel! I am 'appy to see you!" He guided him into his richly decorated office and beckoned for him to sit down on a comfortable looking couch. With a pat to his shoulder he gave him a curious look. "Can I interest you in anyzhing to eat or drink?" He moved about his office, throwing some flakes of food at a happy looking octopus.

Samuel looked around the room as he was brought in, taking in everything. Looking almost amazed at the octopus, he had never seen one before. However, he didn’t move from the centre of the room.
“Sco-….No I’m fine, doctor”

Samuel wouldn’t deny that he would really enjoy a scotch or beer right about now, as he may have over-indulged in the drinks when his father was being too much to deal with… Or if it had been too quiet… Too loud. He stood quietly, watching his doctor.

A small smirk flickered across the Doctor's lips as he watched Samuel, he moved across the room to pour himself a glass of water. He looked back over at the octopus, who was now blobbing contentedly across the floor of his tank. "'e is a funny zhing isn' 'e? Someone gave 'im to me as a gift, I still don' know why." He took a long sip from his glass, studying it carefully as though the answer he had been searching for woul suddenly come to him now. "I named 'im Claude, it is befitting of a fine gentleman such as 'imself." He smiled at the tank and sauntered back over.

"Sit, Samuel, zat is what ze couch is for." He raised an eyebrow at the taller man as he took a seat in an armchair, just in front of the couch, and sat back in it looking most comfortable. "I want you to be comfortable."

Claude.

Sam thought that was a bit of a funny name for an octopus. Not that he can talk, he wasn't the best at naming things. He had a dog and named it Flea. He watched the octopus for a moment longer, then deciding that eight legs were too many legs to feel comfortable around he brought his attention back to his doctor.

He looked down at the couch as he was directed to it and sat down on the edge, but no further back, nor did he lay down. The room was unfamiliar and he wasn't too keen on doing anything that could make him feel uncomfortable, or do something that was inappropriate for the rooms owner.

"S'okay, m'comfortable."

He gave a slight shrug with his answer, though the usual sighing that had become the start of all his sentences was absent. He continued to absorb the interior of the room, and because of this he was distracted from his constant self-loathing.

Keeping his eyes on Samuel, he took a sip of his water and joined him in looking around. "You will 'ave to excuse ze mess." He said, sounding just a little irritated as he reached forward to scoop up some papers lying on a nearby table. "Zere is more paper in 'ere zen a forest could ever 'ope to provide." He began to shuffle them idly, placing his water on the table. "Zough, I sought a change of scenery would be nice, brings a fresh change to our meeting, don' you zhink?" He asked, looking up at Samuel curiously.

Observing his actions carefully, Rémy made mental notes. He always seemed so hestitant to sit down or be comfortable, he wondered if this was a new habit or if he had always been reluctant to settle. He had also noted Samuel's half answer when he asked for a drink and then his quick adjustment of it. He did not even seem to want water from Rémy.

"So, Samuel." He began in a soft voice. "In our ohzer session I believe you mentioned you are gay. yes?" He looked up at the other. "'ave you ever been in a relationship wiz a anozher man?"

Nodding at the question, Samuel did agree that this was a nice change to the sessions in his room. It seemed more professional somehow, even with the towers of paperwork.

He continued to watch the doctor while he was being observed by the man. The taller man’s eyes taking in every feature of the other. His eyes snapped towards Rémy’s then just as sharply looked away at the next question. He fidgeted slightly.

He had been with other men. And before his mother’s turn had become a relative regular at one of the few gay bars in his town, while not overtly sexual like the stereotypes described, he had been fairly active and had been in more bathroom hook-ups than he cared to count.

Samuel gave a little nod, and muttered in the affirmative.

Rémy found himself feeling a little surprised. So, Samuel was not always so shy? It seemed hard to imagine a Samuel who was not silent and awkward, though he did have a subtle charm about him and a gorgeous smile. (Though the doctor had only seen the barest line of it). He hummed in thought.

"Zis may seem a bit awkward." He had noticed the reluctance to answer from Samuel. The meeting of his eyes and the fidgeting.... telltale signs that Samuel was not saying as much as he was thinking. "'ow many partners 'ave you 'ad? 'ow many were men? and, what kind of relationship did you 'ave wiz each of zem?" He asked each question with a slight pause afterward to give Samuel time to think and absorb.

"I know it is a lot to answer, but it is necessary."

He cleared his throat.

Should he be honest and give a close approximate figure? Or should he lie and only say two or three people. The ex-architect sat there for a few silent moments, his internal debate raging. Finally though he fidgeted a little once more then let out a sigh.

"Over... Ten... over three months... Dated maybe three of them"

He blushed, it was embarrassing to be saying this after everything that had happened to him in the last few months. Even more so when it's being said to a young doctor who seems interested in an actually of bodies he's lain with.

"... Never been with a... W-Woman..."

He can't help but look a little surprised at that, tries to hide the raised eyebrow and scrawls something down, clearing his throat non-chalantly. His feet twitching a little against the floor.

"I see, 'ow interesting." He lifted his clipboard a little higher, pretending to study it when instead he was hiding the soft, pink blush that was creeping over his face. He really had not expected that at all. Samuel seemed so shy and reserved but he really was an attractive man, and the very idea of him going out to bars and picking up other men seemed to torment him for some reason.

"S-so. Your dream, does it involve a man?"

As the doctor seemed surprised by his admission, Samuel looked down at his knees. He was right, he shouldn't have been honest. No doubt the man was disgusted with him and his promiscuity.

While Sam had become an increasingly regular patron of gay clubs, he had convinced himself that he was doing it just for the love of having a good time with men, what he was doing however was just hiding from his own loneliness in bathrooms and bedrooms with random men, and at least one or two groups.

He nodded slightly, then spoke up.

"Well... I'd... Like t'think there'd be one in m'dream. Not really holdin' m'breath f'it though"

Not wanting to make eye contact with the other man, he chose instead to take a strong interest in the books in the book case.

"Why is zat, Samuel?" He asked tilting his head to the side slightly as he looks at the other man curiously. "Is it because you don' zhink you can 'old someone down?" He wondered if Samuel had any sort of commitment issues. "After you 'ave answered zat, would you mind telling me what you look for in a partner?"

Samuel thought for a second, trying to find a way to clearly word his thoughts.

"More, I dunno who'd put up with m'so long"

The man did have a habit of being stubborn, overly protective and at times more of a romantic than those he would hook up with were looking for.

He looked at Dr. Artois.

"What I look for...?Hmmm, Bright eyes, lean... A cheeky smile, great humor....Sweet, kind"

He quietly contemplated his words and thought of more in silence.

He hums at that and laughs lightly, sounding pleased with the answers. "Very nice, I must say I approve of zat answer."

He stops himself abruptly with a small cough, realising that he was begining to sound like a flirt. Which was incredibly inappropriate for a doctor. Still, he liked his sessions to be themed, so he proceeded to talk about relationships despite feeling as though he's treading on dangerous territory.

"Some more questions for you, Why do you zhink nobody would put up wiz you for zat long? Do you 'ave any bad 'abits? Also, why do you favour zose traits in particular? What influences zose choices?"

Watching the doctor as he laughs, blinking carefully. Seemingly unsure of why he laughed at him.

"I've been told I'm too much...Overwhelmin', even"

He can't help but look the doctor over carefully, seemingly a tad suspicious.

"Not that I know? I just don't think they were that interested in me"

He leans back a little , sitting more back into the couch without thinking as he contemplates why he goes for such traits.

"...Dunno?"

"No reason? I suppose you don' need one."

He taps his chin with his pen and tuts softly. "I don' believe it...people found you overwhelming? Why? Did you find yourself going to people who would reject you?"

"I... guess I just gave too much to them. And... I didn't think I was goin' t'them... Guess I shouldn'ta been goin' t'clubs all th'time?"

He tilts his head slightly, looking curiously at him.

He nods knowingly, "Clubs can be sort of 'it and miss...alzough I zhink it compliments your character quite nicely." He smiles warmly, leaning over to pet his knee. "You are a very giving man, from what I can tell, you seem to sacrifice your own 'appiness for ze sake of ohzers."

Samuel watches the hand on his knee warily. Resisting any urge he has to react to the touch in any manner. Not that he would at all deny that the touch and the compliment did please him immensely, which confused him somewhat.

"... Don't really do it on purpose, Doc. Just want th'one I'm with t'be happy s'all"

He glanced at his doctor, taking in his features briefly before looking away just as quickly. He made no move to discourage the hand.

He watched the other, knowing the look he was being given was one of a studying nature. Maybe Samuel was taking to him better now, he hadn't really seemed to focus so hard on his face at all during their sessions. Even if it was only for a brief moment. What was disturbing is that he had felt his own heart skip a beat, surely that was not a good sign...perhaps he was just excited about the progress, yes that must be it.

He cleared his throat awkwardly and removed his hand from the other's knee. "Well, it certainly reflects ze situation you are in now. Samuel. You need to realise zat it is okay for you to be selfish sometimes. It is okay to 'ave emotions. It is never okay to blame yourself for somezhing you 'ad no part in."

His face came over with a look of confusion.

"If I hadn'ta been selfish... Then..."

Samuel rubbed the back of his neck, dispute the doctor's repeated assurances that he had merely snapped under the immense pressure he was under due to his mothers death and his fathers abuse, the Australian had a lot of trouble trying to shed the blame he felt.

It was his selfish anger and pain that had resulted in the murders he committed.

He glanced up at his doctor with pained eyes.

"Nothin' good happens when I'm selfish"